Laura and Nacho don’t actually have sex, although she fantasizes about it, of course. That’s because, like Fifty Shades of Grey, 365 Days is a conservative dream. Ignore the frequent, high-spirited, slightly eccentric erotic scenes – like its predecessor, 365 Days: This Day flirts with full frontal nudity of men and women – and 365 Days: This Day, at its core, sells the idea marry a rich man and have children from him. There are as many shopping montages as there are sex montages in this film, and they are all shot in the decadent, contentless style of a perfume commercial. Expensive watches and fast cars, haute couture dresses and high-end sex toys, gourmet breakfasts on a terrace overlooking a million dollars: Massimo can give Laura everything that makes 365 Days: This Day a romance. If he were poor, he would just be a rapist.
A solid 60 percent of 365 Days: This Day consists of inspirational and/or erotic montages. But when it comes to filling the remaining 40 percent, the film lacks the good sense to stick to a simple conflict between a bad guy and a good guy. Fictitious identical twins, feuding mafia families, and the most inept villain duo this side of Team Rocket in Pokemon all contribute to a sloppy storyline that culminates in a stunningly incompetent action climax. It’s unclear exactly what the mafia is doing in 365 Days: This Day. They mostly seem to whisper in each other’s ears at parties and are supposed to be working. (Is this a requirement that all Sicilian mafiosi under 60 have six sets, or is it just a bonus?)
As for the performances, why now skimp on words? They are all terrible. But the «comic relief» provided by Laura and Massimo’s best friends, Olga (Magdalena Lamparska) and Domenico (Otar Saralidze), is especially great. And as immature as it is to laugh at dialogue that is obviously not written in the writers’ native language, good luck stifling a laugh when Olga screams, “I can’t calm down! I’m Polish!» The music is as fun, soft R&B hodgepodge that sounds appropriate enough as what you might hear over a loudspeaker in a fast fashion store.